Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
