once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
