dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
