Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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