You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
