STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
