Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I didn't notice because vodka
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
