i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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