Hey man sorry I got all grabby
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
