you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
