Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
