my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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