my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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