So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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