why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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