Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
