I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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