I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
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Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
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I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Two words: nipple clamps
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