i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
