I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
