i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
