You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
