just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize