I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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