oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
