i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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