Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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