I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
