nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
