Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
