No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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