Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
