Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
