were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
