I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
