There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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