There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
