Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
