Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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