Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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