you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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