I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
