i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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