i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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