Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize