Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
