): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
