So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
