Need sex. Gaining weight.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
