I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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