I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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