Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
