Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
