I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
