Mom said you looked used
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
