i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
