All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
