Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Bring me that man meat
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
