Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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