dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
