She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
