so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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