Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
