then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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