i wish my penis had a tongue
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You don't make any sense
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