we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
