ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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