apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
