my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
