why im i the only drunk person in the library?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
