Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
