I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
