He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
