So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
