I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
