Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
