Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
